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Posts Tagged ‘Butterfaces’

Eldrick “Cheetah” Woods: The Untold Shank

Posted by hilariousandhandsomesportsguys on December 19, 2009

by: Blockparty
The media has beaten the Tiger Woods scandal to death, right? By now newspapers, cable news shows, and bloggers have covered every angle and given us far more information than we ever needed about someone’s sex life, haven’t they?
Nope. Not even close. In fact, the most absurd part of this entire story has been missed by the media — Tiger Woods cheated on his wife with THOSE women?!?! Seriously.
A man worth a billion dollars – the greatest golfer in history – one of the best athletes in the world – a man married to a gorgeous model – a father of two beautiful kids – a guy with his own line of Gatorade, cheated with THOSE women?
I’m sure that the overweight, middle-aged guy that always tells you his high school football stories may find those women “hot.” There is probably even a bunch of desperate, future college dropouts gathered around a keg somewhere that think Tiger is the man. However, most of the women that have told their “Tiger Experience” wouldn’t get a second glance from me or you. Honestly, Mindy Lawton wouldn’t make you cheat on your taxes, much less cheat on Elin Nordegren. Sure, you would expect some drunk, lonely accountant named Eldrick Trot Woods to, maaaaaaybe, make a move on Kalika Moquin, but not Tiger Freaking Woods. Not only will Tiger go down in history for having affairs with more Butterfaces than any athlete in history, but for also hooking up with a staggering number of obvious gold-digger’s.
Tiger Woods should be able to snap his fingers and have any supermodel, movie star, musician, lawyer, or doctor that he wants to engage in his affairs. So, why was Tiger Woods trolling for cocktail waitresses, Hooters girls, strippers, bar managers, tattoo-covered porn “stars” and even prostitutes. I’m absolutely stunned that a bunch of women whose only career options involve wearing little or no clothes would sell their “Tiger Experience” to the highest bidder.
It is simply astonishing that Tiger was having to pick-up the easiest women on earth. Was he in a competition with the guys over at the Delta House? Is this really a screenplay for the next unbearable college frat-house movie? Guys warming the bench in the NBA are treated like rockstars by groupies every night after games. Third-string QBs in the NFL even have skanks throwing themselves at these scrubs, but one of the richest, most well-known athletes in the history of sports has to pay for hookers and hunt for waitresses at the local Hooters? A guy with his own line of Nike gear was hitting on the same women that your sleazy, cousin Vinny “seduces” every weekend in his tight, black, lucky shirt? It’s simply incredible.
How in the world was Dennis Rodman with Carmen Electra, a race car driver with Ashley Judd, some no-name tennis player with Jennifer Esposito, and even hockey players, yes hockey players, with Elisha Cuthbert and Anna Kournikova. My god, even overhyped athletes like Lamar Odom and Reggie Bush hooked up with Kardashian girls. The list goes on and on. It is a proven, scientific fact that professional athletes do not have to be good-looking, funny, intelligent or even likeable to get attractive women. They only need to have money and attractive women will appear, but somehow, the athlete with the most money on earth gets caught with THOSE women. Unbelievable.

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