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Posts Tagged ‘Man Rules’

Urinal Adventures

Posted by hilariousandhandsomesportsguys on December 23, 2009

By: Blockparty

Based on a True Story:

Every man learns two crucially important things from a tender, young age:

1. upon walking into a restroom if another person is already in the process of draining the tanks you only position yourself next to that person if there are absolutely no other options.

2. There is absolutely no adequate reason for talking to another person while standing at the latrine.

Unlike the ladies, men must face multiple restroom designs. A guy never knows what type of facility that he will get to use upon entering the restroom. There are the typical urinals and stalls. These sometimes have dividers and sometimes not. There is the personal favorite feeding trough design, and even the community hole in the ground is used by some disgusting places.

But all men know that no matter what designs awaits them as they rush toward the restroom they must always put as much possible space in between the other person and themselves, and no conversation is allowed during these brief but important few moments.

So I am standing at your common run of the mill urinal, no divider, taking care of business when a guy explodes through the door. He rushes right up next to me an begins the festivities. He blatantly ignored rule number one as he cruised past the other open urinals and even the stall (man’s choice of last resort). I’m just going to come out and say it, he was operating a pressure washer down there. I have never heard so much force in my life and it went on for eternity. While he is chipping up the porcelain, he starts talking to me about his unusual ability to turn liquid into jet power. Totally disregarding rule number 2, he (serious as an emergency #1 on a bus trip) tells me that he drinks over 2 gallons of liquid every day, and that was the source of his supernatural powers.

Sorry partna’ that just isn’t possible. The human bladder is like the size of a kiwi so unless you had that new gas tank for human bladder surgery that is all the rave in Europe, I seriously doubt you drink over two gallons of fluid a day. I drink close to a gallon of water a day and live on the edge of wetting myself after every funny thing I hear. I am pretty sure you would drown yourself if you drank that much liquid everyday. Needless to say I was totally offended by his blatant disregard for restroom rules of procedure, and his outright lies regarding the amount of fluid the human body can dam up before it floods the surrounding areas aka your pants.


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